I’m constantly hearing "blog’s" are where people in this country run to tell the world their private lives. I’m amazed since, I’ve been so private all of my life. My mother made me this way I’m sure. I have been thinking to myself what if, just what if, I told someone what I was really, really, going through? What on earth would it accomplish?? Would I get to the last cord of my heart string’s? And there would be R-E-L-I-E-F?? Is this the new age ROLAID ? Could this be a quick cure for a stomach ulcer? Maybe they’re onto something...Maybe not?? I was reluctant but right now I don’t have a prayer and honestly, nothing to lose.

On November 14, 2005 just four days ago. I discovered my husband would have been 36 years old. I then counted the years in my head since he left this earth...Almost 5 in January. How my life has changed since he passed. It’s amazing how time flies’ when someone you love passing on...I've learned much about being a widow. I think when I die, someone will paste a little photo of me in a dictionary for sure under-WIDOW!

With that being said....I currently find myself for the very first time in my life! Living through a winter with no heat. I can’t afford it. It’s that simple. My life has gone downhill and fast. I can recall many holiday’s in my past when I would watch the local new’s and hear of people less fortunate than I, who had no heat. Then the death counts of people who would lose their lives because they tried to stay warm. Sad, I’d think to myself. Today, I find myself in this very situation and I wonder just how did I get myself here?

Amazing as it seems since someone attempted to murder me I’ve suffered financially, physically, and emotionally. I’ve kept quiet long enough I do believe. I feel like walking outside and telling the world! "There is a MURDERER out there!!!!!!!!!! And you’d be very surprised who it is.

It leads me back to my current dilemma. Do they (the person responsible for attempting to murder me) have heat? Are they warm tonight? Will they enjoy their last holiday with their family? I sure hope so. My family won’t have a holiday because honestly, we can even afford air in a bag...Let alone a holiday right now!

I'm frustrated right now and rather upset...So many thing's are going on and I'm locked down inside like Fort Knox.

It's going to take me some time to get this "PRIVATE STUFF" out.